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SERIES: 31 Reasons the Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #4


#4: We purposefully and meaningfully kiss, hug and touch each other every single day.  

Don’t blow this one off, thinking, “Well we do that!  Who doesn’t?”  Do you?  Really?  Everyday?  With purpose and meaning?  With kids running around, making noise, needing the eyes in the front and back of your head on them at all times so the house does not burn down, and/or lots of activities to get to each day?  Sometimes, a whole Monday through Friday can fly by in “survival mode” and you don’t even realize that you haven’t done this with your spouse.  I’m not talking about the quick, habit kiss goodbye in the morning, the touch as you brush past each other on your way to do something else or go get something, your legs touching in the bed at night.  I mean hands holding your face, gazing into each others’ eyes to ensure the focus is right there and right there only, and then leaning in for a 6+ second kiss.  I mean standing in the middle of the kitchen or in the family room blocking the kids from seeing the TV, wrapping your arms around each other, closing your eyes, leaning your heads on each other and just being in each others’ arms.  Sometimes we just stand there, sometimes we rock back and forth, sometimes the hubs will start to hum and we’ll slow dance.  B likes to get in the middle of a dance, but the hubs makes sure B waits until we have had at least a solid minute of dancing alone before letting him in.

I am writing this one purposefully on Independence Day.  It’s a national holiday and hopefully you and your spouse are both home.  So try this today.  Decide to make this a daily habit, starting now.  I promise you, you’ll see fireworks.  ;o)

Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons the Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #3

#3: We laugh together, everyday, and we make each other laugh.
 
The hubs is very witty and can make such funny faces.  I amuse him by being my hair brained self who has to talk my way through issues out loud.  We constantly find a line from a movie or song that is appropriate for the conversation we are having or the situation we are in.  He refuses to dance in public but each time he dances for us at home, it provides much entertainment and laughter.  He can always get me laughing, even when I don’t want him to.
We sat down last night after B went to bed and tried to think up examples of our “funny” and could not come up with a single one!  LOL  We did laugh about that.  And that reminded us why I have a blog, to record the memories because we are getting old and our minds are going fast.    Therefore, this post ended up being rather short!  ;o)

 

Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #2

#2: Once, I let my faith in us slip and I wanted out.  The hubs would not allow it.
 
It was a dark time in our marriage – the stressful, 1st year of B’s life.  We had sold our house and moved in with my parents, for the second time.  We were sleep deprived and stressed out with worry.  At 4 months, B’s pediatrician believed he had torticollis.  He needed to see a neurosurgeon for confirmation and treatment options.  We could not get in to see a neurosurgeon until he was 7 months old. The neurosurgeon confirmed the torticollis, but needed a cat scan to determine if it was muscular or skeletal and the hospital had no infant appointments before he was 9 months old.  Muscular could be corrected with occupational therapy.  Skeletal (at the time) needed corrective surgery before B turned 1 year old or some damage would be permanent.  We were in a race against time.
On top of that, we decided to start looking for a place to stay, because we didn’t think we had enough on our plates.  We thought it’d be fun, take our minds of things.  Ha!  I am a bare-bones kinda gal – cheap date all the way and content with our needs being met.  The hubs, at the time, liked comfort, style, nicer things.  Needless to say, we could not agree on anything.  I could not take out anymore!  The next 50 years flashed before my eyes, us doing nothing but head-butting over every single decision!  It was hard enough to deal with the stress over B’s torticollis and being responsible for this, helpless human being.  If we can’t even agree on where to live, we are not got to agree on any parenting decisions.  I decided I could not live like that for the rest of my life.  I wanted a divorce so he could live where he wanted to live and I could live where I wanted to live.  He could parent however he wanted to when B was at his house and I could parent however I wanted to when B was at my house.  And all of this came to me while I sobbed, in our car, in my parents’ driveway, after we’d come back from another failed house hunting afternoon.  I was so tired and I grasped at this solution like a life raft as I drowned in my tears and misery.

 

“I’m tired,” I said to him, resignedly.  “I’m so tired of fighting.  Over everything.  I can’t keep doing this and care for B.  I’mdone.  I want out.  I want a divorce.”  “No,” he said, firmly.  “I’m not letting you give up on us.  We are good together, webelong together and I’ll be strong for both of us right now.”  He reached over and gathered me into his arms.  I was too tired to fight him off.  I sobbed until I was dry.  He carried me inside and put me to bed.  I never thought of divorce again because he was right.

Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #1

It’s July.  It’s hot.  Lots of family vacations going on.  People are stuck in cars, stuck in hotel rooms, stuck in relatives’ houses, stuck without power due to a Summer storm.  Fuses are short, someone’s not doing what you expect them to do, someone’s being a martyr and not asking for help, tempers flare, arguments happen.  So I felt this was the perfect time of the year for a month-long series on how the hubs and I have stayed together.  I have been thinking about it ever since I put up a short post in the beginning of May, One of the Secrets to a Successful Marriage in Our Home.  It was short and to the point and I posted it because the hubs and I had had a spat, and like most spats here, I started it.  But it was over quickly because a particular action took place and I wanted to share it while it was on my mind.  Here is the entire post:

“Apologize.  And make sure the same person isn’t always the one apologizing first.  You don’t have to apologize for your opinion/belief/stance as long as you believe in your heart that you are correct.  But you do have to apologize for your tone/defensiveness/nastiness that contributed to the argument and any subsequent off-topic tangent you may have dragged into the argument.  Couples are known for not staying on topic and dragging up all kinds of supposed dead and buried issues!  LOL”

That’s it!  I told you it was short!  That night in bed, I wondered if I’d be able to expand on the secrets of how in the world we are still together.  We’d known a couple or two who had divorced before, but with the state of this country’s economy over the last few years, couples we know seem to be dropping like flies but our marriage just keeps getting stronger.  So I grabbed a pad of paper and sat down to come up with a month full of reasons.  Within 10 minutes I had 20 of them down and then ran out of ideas.  I wasn’t discouraged; I knew the rest would come to me.  And five weeks later, when I finally found that gosh darn pad of paper again, I was able to jot down the last eleven reasons.

Each day this month, I will be sharing a reason with you and maybe a story to go along with it (if the hubs approves of said appropriate story!).  I hope you can learn from our mistakes and I hope you share your reasons with me, too.  So, here we go!

#1: We’ve been through a lot of major issues/problems that couples can face and we’ve survived.  Together, we have proven to each other that we can face anything thrown at us or created by us, because we already have.

  • We’ve moved in with my parents, twice.
  • We’ve moved 10 times in the last 17 years.  Moving is a huge test of a marriage!  Especially since 3 of those 10 we did without the help of professional movers.
  • He’d never argued with a girlfriend before; I was a professional fighter.
  • He grew up in a Quaker home with parents who never argued.  If they disagreed on an issue, they sat down, held hands and discussed it calmly.  If they could come to no agreement, they simply did not discuss the subject again.  I grew up in a Catholic home with a screaming, professional fighter for a mom and a quiet, passive-aggressive dad who refused to give my mom what she wanted – a fight back.  This made her even more angry and provided the fighting  example I ran with in my marriage.  (More on this one later in the month).
  • We were on complete opposite ends of the financial habits scale and did not meet in the middle until 2 years ago.
  • We struggled with infertility for 6 years before B was born and have continued to struggle for the  almost 10 years since.
  • We’re parents.  That alone can ruin a marriage.  ;o)
  • Home repairs and furniture assembly – together.
  • The hubs was in Iraq for B’s 5th birthday, our 11th wedding anniversary and his own 40th birthday.  The stress of the danger he was in, as well as the adjustment to coming home, was tough.
  • I had a high risk pregnancy and there were no documented cases of my particular situation in medicine for my doctors to consult.  Therefore, they had to make up my treatment plan as they went along and hope it worked out.  Men are “fixers” and it killed the hubs that he could do nothing but stand by, hope and pray.
  • Since B was in utero, he has had medical problems.  Hospitals, specialists, ambulance rides, tests, treatments, medications, occupational therapy, etc.  Not being able to “cure” your son of everything, just having to stay up with him, try to make him as comfortable as possible and hold him while it runs it’s course several times a year is maddening and can make you turn on each other.   Oh, and all of that has to be done while remaining calm and positive so as not to freak out your child!   Thankfully, B has gotten healthier and healthier every year since he turned 5, but any sneeze, cough, pain, tiredness, complaint will still stop the hubs heart.
  • The struggle of B in public school for kindergarten and 1st grade, deciding to homeschool, discovering B’s learning style and our own teaching styles and, most importantly, finding that delicate balance between discipline/appropriate behavior and honoring who B is.  Trial and error is tough, especially since kids change as soon as you figure out how they work!
  • We’ve struggled financially.
There have been other, more personal issues we have dealt with, as well.  Some lighter than those listed, some darker.  But no matter what comes along, we’d rather face them together then to go through life apart.

Don’t miss any posts in this series:
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31
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