Tag Archives: series

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22

#22: We tell each other “I love you” several times each and every day.  
This one’s going to be short and sweet.  I left the house yesterday morning and got back a little bit ago to find the A/C has decided to take a day off.  It’s over 90 degrees in the bedrooms.  We opened windows, got B to sleep and now I don’t want to add more heat to the house by having the computer on too long.  ;o)
We tell each other “I love you” several times each and every day.  Not “love you”, not “love ya”, but “I love you“.  Just like in Reason #4 when I described how we touch each other daily, we also purposefully and meaningfully say “I love you”.  We can do this because we talk to each other throughout the day, even when he is at work.  Neither one of us can go very long without talking to our BFF.  :o)  And it’s important to hear it regularly, even though you know it.  Especially when you are not at you best.

 

Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons Why The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21

#21: Sometimes we’ll argue via email or Facebook messages.  

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I am a professional fighter; I learned from the best, my mom.  And when I let my temper get out of hand, I get irrational, ugly, dirty.  No one is going to listen to what I say when I cross the stark, raving, mad bitch line.  When a disagreement starts to escalate, I will now walk away and start typing.  Now, I am not talking about having the argument over text message.  That is still instant back-and-forth, in the heat of the moment; you might as well be face-to-face.

I’m talking about being at your computer (or on your mobile device), in a separate room, and typing out an email or a Facebook message.  That way there is no yelling, ugly faces, wagging fingers or invading personal space.  I can get all my “talking” points down, without being interrupted.  The hubs has the power to read my email or message whenever he wants to, which is empowering.  That’s a luxury I never afforded him early on in our relationship.  When I wanted a fight, I would follow him around the house, out of the house, call him at work (that is the worst thing to do to the other, BTW), hound him with my words and screaming and he had no place to hide.  Now he can read it when I send it or not.  He can read it multiple times and mull over what I’ve said before responding.  And he’s a muller.  He needs time to absorb, think and come to conclusions.

And I’m OK with him not sending an immediate response.  I was able to get out everything I wanted to say and by the time I hit “Send”, I’m pretty much calmed down.  And if I think of more points to back up my side of the issue, I just send another message with them in it.  This is so freeing and rewarding for me!  A verbal argument can go on and on and not be as productive as you’d like because you’ll get tuned out or you’ve brought up so many points that most except the last one or two can even be remembered.  By sending him a message, I  know that the hubs will “hear” everything I wanted him to because it’s all there in black and white!  Every single point is laid out and he can review as many times as he wants and he’ll do it when he is calm and ready and receptive.

As irrational as humans can get when we argue, we are rational enough to know that every argument is not going to end with a “winner” and a “loser”.  Most of the times, we argue because we don’t feel that we’ve been heard, feel the other is not even listening to our need or complaint.  And let’s face it, it’s pretty hard to listen to the need or complaint when it’s being yelled at you by a stark, raving, mad bitch who’s in your face and may or may not be breaking things in the process.  ;o)  By arguing through email or Facebook messages, we can trust that the other one has “heard” us.  Nine times out of ten, I’m the one sending my whole Powerpoint presentation to him with all my reasons, rationals, market research and proposed outcome*.  And nine times out of ten, the only reply I’ll receive is the one I needed the most: “Ah.  I get it.  I hear you now.  I understand.”  Followed by hugs and apologies all around.

Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

 

* I’m using creative licensing in this sentence.  I don’t actually put together a Powerpoint presentation and include market research.  LOL

SERIES: 31 Reasons Why The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20

#20: We listen when the other says they’ve had enough of an argument and back off.
 
This is the forth of the five posts I have about fighting.  Fighting is pretty significant in a marriage.  A marriage will end because all you do is fight, or you fight dirty or you’ve gotten to that place of no return where you don’t even care enough about the other person nor the marriage to bother fighting. There are going to be disagreements and some will escalate to a fight.  So knowing some ground rules for fighting fair are important if you want to survive to the next fight.  Or to makeup sex.  ;o)  So we hope y’all can learn from our mistakes.
As you read in Reason #19, things can get scary, violent and damaging if you do not back off when your sparring partner asks or tells you to.  And, seriously, if you were to keep going past that point, nothing will be accomplished but more damage.  No one has their listening ears on, even if someone thinks the other has a valid point or two they’re not going to admit it.  So walk away.  Revisit the one subject you started disagreeing on in the first place, not any of the other issues that might have been dragged into the argument, at another time when everyone has their cool, rational heads about them again.

 

Tomorrow’s post will be the fifth and final post regarding fights and it will be about a wonderful solution the hubs and I have come up with to making fighting productive.  Stay tuned…

Don’t miss any posts in this series:

 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19

#19: We learned the hard way not to fight in cars.  

As I’ve mentioned in other posts in this series, early on in our relationship I pushed buttons.  Because that’s what a professional fighter does.  You push buttons until you get the reaction you want.  I wanted a rise, so I kept pushing until I got a rise.  One day in 1996, I did just that in our Pontiac Grand Prix as we were driving around Charlotte, NC.  The hubs warned me to stop, to back off.  I took that to mean he was pretty close to blowing up and, since I had never seen that happen before, I kept going and hoped for “a show”.  Be careful what you wish for!  When he blew his stack, he slammed his fist into the top of the dashboard and, I kid you not, it shattered all over the both of us.

That scared him just as much as it did me.  We both knew we were in the wrong.  He pulled the car over, checked me for cuts and then pulled me in his arms.  We both apologized.

When I read the hubs my list of 31 reasons last month, I wondered how he’d react to me putting this one in, if he’d ask me to leave it out.  He shook his head when I read it and said, “That was some day, huh?  That’s a lesson we learned and it needs to be passed on to others.”

Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18

 
#18: Whoever is driving should not receive any “help”, suggestions or directions unless asked.
 
This one is common sense.  We don’t like it when someone in the car is a backseat (or passenger seat) driver to us, so we should not do it to others.  As I mentioned in reason #17, doing so comes across as belittling the driver, not trusting that they’re competent enough to drive properly or get you from point A to point B.    I know, I know; sometimes the driver isn’t competent to get from point A to point B, but you still have to bite your tongue.  When has any argument that your husband had no idea where he’s going or a suggestion to stop for directions ever been well received?  Never.  So don’t do it.  Wait until you are asked.

 

Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17

 
#17: Just because it isn’t done my way doesn’t mean it is done wrong.
There are very few things in this world that can only be right or wrong.  The hubs, very eloquently, came up with 2: 1) humanity = right; 2) genocide = wrong.  Period.  Most everything else is up for interpretation.  But for control freaks, know-it-alls, black-and-white types of people, that’s a hard pill to swallow.  I know because I’m one of them!
This is something I get from my dad.  I’ve always hated it (and still do b/c he still does it) when he swoops in with his “suggestions” and “options” of other ways to do something.  It makes me feel like he doesn’t trust me to do anything right or he has to supervise and tell me the “right” way to do something.  I feel belittled, even though I know that is not where my dad’s coming from.  So, since I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of that, why would I do that to the hubs?  Because, like my dad, I have an analytical mind and can figure out the least expensive and/or most efficient way of doing something and I can’t imagine why anyone would want to do it any other way.  I think that makes me a “destination” person – focused on the objective and get there as soon as possible to be done with it.  The hubs is a “journey” type of person – he enjoy the process, the challenge, the figuring things out as he goes, and if he makes a mistake, he’ll just figure out another way.

 

Last Summer, we spent 2 days putting together a new hybrid grill and we did great.  We were able to mesh my way of only reading the directions and following every single step in order and to the letter with his way of viewing a picture of what the finished product should look like and then figuring out how to get there on his own.  I let him take the lead.  I had the directions and when he asked for them, I would read them and tell him how the next step should go.  When he didn’t need the directions, I helped him put it together his way.  And it worked.  We have a great grill that still works even though there was more than one way to put it together.

Here’s an even better example: it drives me crazy that the hubs won’t use the garlic press!  I think it is one of the best and most efficient kitchen gadgets ever invented and can’t imaging why anyone would waste time chopping garlic themselves.  The hubs prefers to chop garlic with a knife.  You don’t get uniformed-sized pieces with a knife and it takes longer!  Whynot use the garlic press?!  Because he doesn’t want to.  And, I suspect, because I want him to so badly.  ;o)  Every time I see him peeling garlic I want to go to the gadget drawer to get him the press.  Nothing I say or do will make him use that press; it will just belittle him and send the message that I don’t think he can even handle the simple task of chopping garlic.  Instead, I’ll walk out of the kitchen so I don’t see it, bite my tongue and be grateful that someone else is cooking the meal.  And you know what?  Not only do those meals taste delicious, but you can’t even tell what the garlic looked liked when it went into the pan.  :o)
 
Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lated 17 Years, #16

#16: I had to learn to not fight dirty.
The hubs and I spent a lot of time bickering this weekend, so I figured it was time to put up another post about fighting.  And the funny thing is, the bickering we did all weekend was not your normal, “I want this and not the that that you want” or “I’m right and you’re wrong”.  We were arguing for each other, not ourselves, if that makes sense.   Here’s one example: we both had places to go at the same time on Saturday.  The truck has excellent A/C and the Volvo’s A/C only works sometimes, and even then it’s not very cool.  We each wanted the other to take the truck and be comfortably cool and got in a raised-voices-and-slamming-things argument about it!  “You take the truck!”  “NO!  You take the truck!”  LOL
As I’ve said a few times already in this series, I was a professional, down-and-dirty fighter when I got married and I learned how to be one at home, growing up.  Ugly, red face in his face; yelling; finger-shaking; stomping; slamming doors; breaking things; cussing, including saying “fuck you”; button-pushing; throwing issues in his face I had no business bringing up; and then, not letting him leave when he needed to get away from the raging bitch in the house and take a breath.  I don’t blame him for wanting to leave; I was a lunatic!  Who wants to be around that?  Plus, I was so good at button-pushing, that I started an anger in him he’d never felt nor let out before.  He wanted to leave before he got as mad as me because he’s twice my size and could snap me like a twig if he wanted to.  But when he tried to leave to let us both cool down, I blocked his way.  I’d fling myself against the door and lay on the guilt trip – “what if you have an accident?  What if you die and we never see each other again?  How do you think I’m going to feel knowing that these were out last words?  Let’s work this out and then you can leave!”  But all I really wanted was for him to stay long enough for me to get a rise out of him, get him to rage like I was doing, get from him what my mom was never able to get out of my dad.  Pretty sick, huh?

 

It’s a true testament to how much this man loves me that he stayed.  I would have walked out and never gone back if the roles were reversed!  But he told me this had to stop and a couple of times he actually showed me what happens when I push him too far.  Seeing that convinced me I had to grow up and stop this shit.  I’ll give you an example in another post later this month…
Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15

#15: The hubs does not “babysit” his own child.

Y’all know what I mean!  You know at least one couple, or you just might be that couple, in which the father considers himself to be babysitting his own kids for his wife on that rare occasion that she goes out alone.  The wife has to leave a long list of instructions and leave her cell on, as if a neighboring  teenager was watching her kids for the 1st time.  The hubs either doesn’t know how to do things, certainly not “the way Mommy does it” or pretends not to so he won’t get “asked” to do this often.

Now, some of these dads are like that because they choose to be.  They feel their sole job is outside of the house and they provide the funds for the mom to keep house and take care of the kids.  But that’s not always the case.  Some moms prefer to do everything, either not trusting the dad to do it her way (read: the “right” way) or she likes to/needs to be needed, depended on, the sole provider of all things organized, clean and comforting.  I think this does a terrible disservice to all members of the household.

The hubs does not feel that his contribution to parenthood stopped at conception.  When we got pregnant, he was just as excited as I was.  The hubs is adopted and knows nothing about his birth family.  B is the only blood relative he’s ever met.  I know what it’s like to hold your baby and marvel over the fact that I created him; he is a piece of me!  But I can’t imagine the sense of completion and home the hubs must have felt when he met his first blood relative.  :o)  (OK, that just got me all verklempt.  Tawk amongst yourselves.  I’ll give you a topic: The Prince of Tides was not about a prince, nor tides.)

Anywho, he’s been involved since day one.  He did diapers, feedings, laundry, playtime, took B with him to run errands, was the only one who could stop B from that late afternoon/early evening fussiness that caused me to walk the floors while bouncing him and he slept in a recliner, many nights, with B on his chest because that was the only way B would asleep.  The hubs is B’s most frequent playmate, they share secrets, share hobbies and go away for weekends together.  And the hubs encourages me to get out alone or with my friends, even for long weekends.  All that joy, closeness and blessings are deprived from every member of the household when one parent is not as involved as the other.

I remember one evening when B was about 6 months old.  I needed to get out and we needed groceries.  Instead of us all going, the hubs insisted I go alone.  I went to The Walmarts, my favorite place at the time, got something to eat and browsed through the clothes and housewares before starting my grocery shopping.  I am such a cheap date and happy doing these little things.  I came home and was surprised my boys were not in the living room.  I went looking for them so the hubs could help me unload the groceries.  I found then in the nursery.  The hubs was asleep in the glider rocker and B was asleep on his chest – naked.  Upon closer inspection, I noticed that the hubs shirt was soaking wet.  I woke him up and asked him what happened.  B was on the changing table and the hubs was changing his diaper and getting him into PJs for the night.  B got really upset and wouldn’t stop crying.  The hubs picked up the naked B to console him but when he tried to put him back down a few times, he got hysterical again.  The hubs got tired of standing and sat down in the glider with B, who then peed all down his shirt.  The hubs didn’t want to put B down and upset him again, so they stayed there and rocked and eventually fell asleep.  It’s one of the hubs’ fondest memories with his boy.

Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14

#14: Snoring eventually becomes white noise.  Ear plugs work in the meantime.
 
I cannot imaging snoring, alone, ending a marriage.  There must be other issues going on besides just snoring.  Yes, it mos def interrupts sleep and sleep deprivation can make you completely miserable.  But snoring should not be a deal breaker, if everything else is good in a marriage, and both of you need to work to solve the snoring issue.
When the hubs and I started sharing a bed, he snored from day one.  OK, I though, this is my lot in life. This is how it’s going to be and I need to get used to it.  And eventually I did.  Two and a half months after we were married, we had to move in with my parents and I noticed that the hubs wasn’t snoring all the time.  It took me a while to figure out why (I always have to know the whys).  It was linked to alcohol.  When we were dating and then living together, the hubs would have a beer or a glass a wine with dinner every night.  When we moved into my parents house that stopped.  My parents do not drink, I rarely drank at the time so Paul did not bring it into the house.  But if we went out to eat and he had a drink or two, he snored that night.  It would wake me up when he was lying on his back, his breathing stopped and then that huge SNORT would come out of him and wake both of us up.  LOL  Simply rolling him over on to his side quieted the roaring down enough for me to get back to sleep.  Some nights you have to roll the snorer over a few times.  I eventually learned to roll him over once and wedge something behind him so he could not roll back over onto his back.  :o)

 

Now, if the snoring is really bad and even the snorer is sleep deprived and it affects their waking hours, a trip to the doctor is in order.  My brother was so sleep deprived he found himself falling asleep at his desk at work.  His doctor referred him to a sleep clinic, he was diagnosed with sleep apnea and now gets a wonderful, quiet night’s sleep every time, thanks to his sleep machine.
I don’t recommend sleeping in a different room than the snorer to get a good night’s sleep.  Once that starts it hard to sleep together again because you are not used to the snoring.  Time together is what it takes to get to the point where it’s white noise.  Until then, wear earplugs.
Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13

#13: The way your spouse dresses does not reflect on you, so let it go.
 
I’m not talking about embarrassing or inappropriate dressing, just different styles.  If you are a parent, you know the internal struggle when your kids get that age when they want to dress themselves.  You want to encourage the independence but you worry that people will judge you for horribly mismatching your child’s clothes, so you want to tape a sign to their backs that says, “I dressed myself; please don’t blame my Mom.”  For a time, I think the hubs felt that way about me.

Not in the beginning; I was a sexy beast in the beginning and dressed the part!  I have plans to write a book about “Our Story” because it is a damn good story, if I do say so myself, but I’ll tell this little snippet here.  We met at work and 2 months later, the hubs decided to move out of state (no, he was not moving to get away from me).  His last week of work, I wore such sexy, borderline slutty, outfits to work that I am shocked I wasn’t sent home to change.  His last day, a Friday, I wore this sheer (read: see-through) black top and matching pants with black, lace undergarments.  I think my track record for accuracy and the fact that my personal business habits saved my employer so much time and money that they made my habits policy throughout the international organization is what saved my ass over those outfits.  I just wanted the hubs (whom I’d only been on 3 dates with at this time) to have something to miss when he moved 460 miles away.  ;o)

Three months later we were engaged (the outfit, obviously, worked) and 3 months after that we were living together.  Then something….interesting…happened.  When I would get dressed for work in one of those sexy, hip outfits that had attracted the hubs, he started saying things like, “Do you think that’s appropriate to wear to work?” and “You don’t need to wear  that; you already have your man.”  <:-O  Please don’t hate on the hubs.  He really was a progressive, supportive person and even I was taken aback by this behavior.  It had nothing to do with me; it was probably due to his own insecurities and the fact that he thought I was such a great catch that others would want to steal me.  Bless his heart!

OK, you have to realize that I have never been a girly-girl, a fashionista.  I had absolutely no fashion sense for 2 reasons: 1) my mom was not a girly-girl and had absolutely no fashion sense, so there was no one to teach me, and 2) both my mom, all my friends and I went to Catholic schools and wore uniforms, so there was no need for “real” clothes.  Even the college I went to (culinary arts school) had uniforms!  But at the job I had before I met the hubs, I became friends with a wonderful woman who dressed sexy and hip and knew all the cheapest places to buy clothes.  She would take me to these places, pick out clothes and tell me to buy them.  Otherwise, I’d be lost!

Fast forward several years to being laid off from my job at 7 months pregnant, having a baby and then afterwards, having no place to go that required a dress code (read: the Walmarts).  So, I was back to the 80’s weekends of my Catholic school days when I wore over-sized t-shirts, jams (how many of you remember those), sweats and men’s boxer shorts.  I have to tell you now, that the hubs has had a “uniform” ever since I met him and he still wears the same thing.  I never realized he had a “uniform” until one of the members of my mom’s group actually called it his “uniform”.  This is what he he has worn for the 17+ years I have know him: exhibit A and exhibit B, specifically that brand, too.  So, the hubs would love to see me in something that does not involve sweats material and is, somewhat, form-fitting.  His idea?  The same khakis and Polo shirts that he wore.  Not me!

He finally let go of the dream that I would have the same taste in clothes as him and just uses this question as the barometer of what I should and should not wear: “Are you comfortable in it?” and I so love him for being in that place of acceptance.  Because, what choose to wear, has absolutely no reflection on him.  :o)

Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31
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