Tag Archives: series

Thrifty Thursday: Not paying for convenience

I needed to take 2 dresses to the cleaners last week. We happen to have a dry cleaners within walking distance and, since it was a beautiful day, B and I went for a walk.

The dry cleaner hardly looked at the dresses I presented but spent longer than I felt was necessary clicking through his screen before printing me out a receipt. He is the owner and I assumed he knew where “dress” was in his system. If there were more detailed options on dresses to select, he didn’t know them about my dresses because he didn’t bother to look at them.

He handed me my receipt and we turned to go. As I walked out of the shop, I looked down at the receipt and was shocked to see $26.58. I don’t know how he came to that price, but it was more than I wanted to pay. I went back in and asked for my dresses back because I thought the price to clean them was too high. He handed them back without a word.

I had no idea what the going rate was. The hubs usually takes care of the dry cleaning. But I’ve heard rumors that women pay more than men for dry cleaning and I was willing to try some other place(s) out. We headed back home but, the weather was so nice, we decided to just walk around, instead. We had a lovely conversation so I don’t regret going to the cleaner. It cost me nothing!

When we got back home I remembered hearing a commercial about Zips Dry Cleaners. Went to their website, saw there was one in the next town over so we went.

The woman who waited on me was lovely. She asked if I’d been there before and, when I said no, she explained my options and set me up an account. By providing my email address, I receive a notification as soon as my clothes are ready. They clean right on site instead of shipping the cleaning elsewhere. I chose to get a key tag for quick pickup. If your total is under $10, they only accept cash; credit is accepted over $10. If you drop off by 9am you can pick up the same day after 5pm and they clean comforters for only $19.99.

Now, I could have paid $26.58 for the convenience of walking to the dry cleaners or the exterm elf short drive there. However, I chose a 10-mile round trip twice (once to drop off the dresses and once to go back and get them) because Zips charged me $4.58! I get 23 miles to the gallon in my car and had just gotten gas the day before for $1.79/gal. The drive on a beautiful day, with the windows down and great conversation with my son, might be less “convenient” than a closer cleaner or one who delivers, but it wasn’t inconvenient to travel a little farther and I saved $20.21!

I don’t like to pay for the convenience of having dinner delivered  to me, either. It costs more because of tipping (and those drivers deserve a good tip!) but more importantly, or takes longer and the food isn’t hot anymore. I’d rather drive 10 minutes each way to pick up a fresh, hot pizza and be eating it in 20-30 minutes than have a warm to cold pizza delivered in 45-75 minutes, depending on the time and day of the week. In this instance, getting it myself is not inconvenient, the waiting longer for delivery and tipping is.

My opinion about choosing pickup over delivery is because it fits in with my lifestyle: I have a car to go get it, great pizza close by, my son is old enough to leave at home while I get the pizza or, if I want him to come with me, it’s quite effortless to get him in the car. I have certainly taken advantage of delivery when we were without a working car, sick, exhausted from up all nights with a young child, bundling up a young child against the elements would have taken just as long as the delivery driver, etc. 😉

So, the next time you’re about to pay extra for an offered convenience, stop and ask yourself, “Is it really more convenient?”

SERIES: 31 Reasons the Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

#31: God
 
I’ve saved the most important reason for last.  As the hubs said in Reason #24, God brought us together but He also saved our family.  In 2008, we were unhappy individuals which made for an unhappy couple.  Although we were Christians, neither of us had been active in a Church since B was baptized. The hubs and I each had our own reasons for being miserable with ourselves and that affected the whole household.  I went to the hubs one day in September and told him I’d like us to find a church home.  I felt that if we let God into our home and learned how to have a relationship with Him, that we could be happy and peaceful.  To my surprise, the hubs said he had been thinking the same thing!  God was already working inside of us.
We decided that every Sunday, we would go to a different church in our town and then decide which one we liked the best.  We never made it past the first church.  We felt so welcomed from the moment we walked through the doors.  Someone kindly directed us to the proper Sunday school classroom for B and assisted us with signing him in.  Everyone was so friendly and accepting!  The pastor’s sermon spoke exactly to where the hubs and I were at that moment in our lives and gave us tools to help us get out.  We walked out of there with a very happy boy who could not stop talking bout everything he’d learned in Sunday school and feeling like a weight had been lifted off our shoulders.  That week was the best week in our house in a long time.  I’d never had a service experience affect my whole week before!

 

So we kept going back.  I joined a women’s Bible study class and we all relearned about God, things we’d never heard from the churches we’d grown up in.  Our church is Bible-based and has taught us how to get to know God and have a relationship with Him.  They haven’t given us a long list of rules and prayers, told us were not worthy to go to God, told us we have to go through others who are more worthy to intercede with God on our behalf.  They’ve showed us that we are children of God and He wants to be with us and wants us to let Him love us.  
Our whole lives, relationships and family have turned completely around since God has been in our hearts and our home.  Our perspectives, our reactions to challenges that arise, our view on wants vs. needs, what is important in this world and what is not, have all changed.  We were always a good match for each other and had proved over the years we would stand the test of time.  But now we are happier, at peace inside, and no longer worry about those damn Joneses.  ;o)  
 
I can do all things, through Christ, who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13
 
The hubs and I have really enjoyed sharing these reasons with you and walking down memory lane this month.  We hope you have, too!
Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30

#30: Only one of us is allowed to go “up our tree” at a time.
If you have never read the book Couplehood by Paul Reiser the hubs and I highly recommend it.  It is hilarious and very true.  Before we had B, the hubs and I liked to go on long drives in our spare time and at times we’ve lived in different states as our parents.  So during these car rides, either for pleasure or to visit family, I would read out loud to the hubs.  I am a good out-loud reader.  I can do all kinds of voices and when I know what the author sounds like, I can put their inflection and tone in my reading.  B and the hubs both enjoy it when I read out loud.  Anywho, we had many a good laugh over Couplehood, especially when Mr. Reiser described couples going “up their trees”.
“Going up your tree” basically means when you lose it, you freak out.  I’m sure you’ve all seen (or been) that person who cannot handle a crisis and simply goes up their tree.  This is the character who’s usually running around and yelling and then gets slapped by someone in a movie or TV show.  Well, when you’re a couple, you both simply cannot freak out at the same time.  One of you has to act as the sane, calm one.  Why?  Because someone has to talk the other out of their tree!  This is a sign of a strong couple, according to Mr. Reiser, and one of the reasons he and his wife, Paula, are good together: only one person goes up there tree at a time.  The other person must talk the tree climber down so then he or she can go up their tree.
The hubs and I are the same way.  There are some specific situations in which the same person goes up their tree.  Other times, it’s just whoever gets to their tree first and the other person has to be the calm one, by default.  
Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29

#29: We have been willing to change for each other.
 
We took and continue to take our vows seriously:
  • To Love
  • Honor
  • Obey
  • ‘Till Death Do Us Part
That last one does not seem to be valued much in our current disposable culture.  Till death.  Not till I get bored, not till I find someone better, not till it gets hard, not till we hit a “slump” in the bedroom, not till you intentionally or unintentionally hurt me, and not till my friends or family no longer like you.
We were both in our 20s when we got married.  The people we were then were not the people we became in our 30s nor the people we are now in our 40s.  As individuals, it’s normal to grow, mature, make mistakes and learn lessons from them as we get older.  But we both had certain preconceived notions, habits, character traits that were toxic to our relationship.  We’ve been willing to change them to make the other happy, provide the other with peace of mind, have a healthier relationship and love, honor and obey till death do us part.

 

As you know from reading earlier reasons, I’ve had to stop fighting dirty, let go of the need to always be right and keep my mouth shut when the urge to criticize arises.  I’ve also had to back off and give the hubs his personal physical and mental space when needed and realize that no matter of nagging, begging, yelling nor threatening could make someone quit smoking.
The hubs had to open up and start communicating, tell me what he was thinking and feeling, ask me what I really meant or thought instead of making assumptions, quit smoking, include me in certain decisions and accept that things would not make him happy long-term.
I think one of the biggest changes you can make to ensure the survival and success of your marriage is to give up the list of “deal breakers”.  That  list of situations you believe would cause you to leave.  “If he cheated on me, it’d be over!”  You can’t make sweeping statements like that.  You really have no idea how you would react, outside of the pain and anger everyone would feel, until you find yourself in that situation.  So throw out the list of situations and it’s automatic reactions or punishments.  Meet each situation, challenge, disappointment, betrayal head-on, together, with an open, albeit broken, heart and mind.
Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28

#28: Honesty is not always the best policy. Some things are better kept to yourself.

When we started dating, we didn’t do that thing where you ask each other all about past relationships.  I tried, but the hubs told me, “We’re not going to do this.  You don’t want to know; I don’t want to know.”  I didn’t believe him and begged him to answer a question for me.  He said, “Don’t ask the question if you don’t want to hear the answer because I am going to tell you the truth.”  I asked anyway, he told the truth and he was right – I didn’t want to know!  From then on, as long as neither one of had conceived a child or contracted an STD before meeting each other, our pasts were our own to keep.
This also goes for infidelity.  If one of us were to cheat, just once, realized it was a huge mistake and would never do it again, keep it to yourself unless it resulted in the conception of a child or an STD.  The only reason to confess to your spouse is because you feel guilty.  Confessing the truth to your spouse will make you feel better for about 5 seconds and then make your spouse feel awful for a long time.  The trust would be broken and might not be repaired.  Keep it to yourself; the guilt you feel is your punishment, your penance.

 

OK, that last example just might have blown your mind and/or you may completely disagree with me.  He’s an easier one to swallow and you just may be able to relate to it.  If your spouse worked hard to make you and your family a meal and you don’t particularly care for it, keep it to yourself.  When you sit down at the table and don’t like the look of what’s on your plate, don’t make any comment.  Try it first and you may be surprised.
 
Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27

#27: We don’t expect each other to be mind readers.  
You want or need something?  Speak up!  Tell your partner!  If you don’t, you have no right to brood or resent them.  You only have yourself to blame.  Women are famous for this!  Men don’t get us, don’t, no can’t, comprehend how women’s minds work.  Our thought processes would exhaust them!  The only thing most men stew over are images or a professional sports coach’s play decisions.  ;o)  Some women believe that, “…if he really knew me….if he really loved me…he would know what I’m thinking/feeling/wanting/needing.”  Men would love to give you exactly what you want or need if you would just tell them.  It’s that simple.  We women are always badgering men to communicate, to talk to us about their feelings and what they’re thinking, so why shouldn’t we reciprocate?

 

Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26

#26: You have to teach your kids to respect your spouse by respecting her/him yourself.  
This can be a hard one, especially if you’re like us.  Each of our parenting styles is different.  What is not a big deal to me is to the hubs and vice versa.  Each of us do fine when alone with B but when we get together and one makes a decision or picks a battle that the other one would not, it’s so hard not to step in and override the other.  But you have to try.  We are a work in progress…

 

Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25

#25 If you have kids, they have to know, by example, that they are not the center of your universe.  
(I can’t believe I am on my last week of reasons!)
We are a husband and wife, in addition to being parents, and the first is just as important as the second. We need time together without B, whether it be for a conversation, and evening out or an overnight away.  B’s wants cannot override needs of mine, the hubs’, the family’s or the home’s and we as adults make those decisions, decide on the priorities, not B.  How many times have you seen another family interacting and thought, “Just who is the parent here and who is the child?” or “Just who is in charge in that family?”
We adults need to charge our batteries by getting out by ourselves or as a couple.  Moms Night Outs and Dads Night Outs are great for that!  As well as making sure you and your partner go out on dates.
Here’s another, simple example.  Ben has struggled with interrupting people when he has something to say.  I have always made him wait his turn or until there was a break in my conversation to address him.  I ignored his…


…and hold up my index finger as a signal for him to wait.  Now, when he was 2 – 6 yrs old, that finger didn’t mean anything to him or didn’t stop him all the time, so sometimes I’d have to interrupt my conversation to tell him to wait.  But now, he gets it.  He’s now coming up to me or whomever he wants to talk to and stands there patiently until someone takes a breath.  ;o)  Or he starts talking and then realizes we are in the middle of something.  He’ll stop himself, say “Sorry” and wait until he is addressed.  We give him positive feedback for that!
When the hubs comes home for work, sometimes B and I compete for his attention.  We’re both happy to see him, we both have things to tell him and we have been known to attack him at the front door.  The hubs greets both of us and then tells B to wait a moment, hold your thoughts, I’ll be with you in one minute, but Mommy needs to talk to me first.  That’s a huge,important statement to be made to our child.  It wasn’t always the case, though…
Because I get all day with B and the hubs did not, he used to be in the habit of interrupting me and turning his attention to B when B wanted it or to discipline B.  Err, that annoyed me!  That showed B he was always more important than me.  The hubs wasn’t trying to undermine me or be rude, he just missed his boy and didn’t want B to feel like he was unimportant or being ignored.  Thankfully, the hubs was able to find balance and respect for all of us.  :o)
Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

 

 

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24

#24: Although we are completely different, we always view it as complementing each other.
We are complete opposites.  He’s tall, I’m short.  He’s dark, I’m pale.  He’s outgoing, I’m shy. (Well, at least I was before I became a mom.  But once you become a mom, if you don’t come out of your shell and reach out to others, you’ll drown.)  He was a spender, I was a saver.  I grew up with a SAHM, both his parents worked.  I was raised with unconditional love, he was not.  He listed to Enya, I listened to Country. He drank and smoked, I did neither.  (He has been smoke free for several years now and I started drinking like a fish once I became a SAHM.)  He has a great sense of style and takes care with his appearance, I call a day successful if I can get a shower and/or am out of my PJs.
Although we have been opposites from the beginning in looks, backgrounds and tastes, we’ve always seen ourselves as complements and a completion of each other.  (We predate Jerry Maguire; the writer got that line from us, not the other way around.)  Every strength the hubs has is a weakness of mine and vice versa.  Every talent he doesn’t have, I do.  And we love that!  It’s so resourceful now that we’re parents.  Whatever questions B has that I can’t answer, the hubs can.  Whatever situation arises with B, it’s OK if one of us is at a loss on how to deal with it, because the other one knows just what to do.  For example, the hubs deals with all first aide related issues – blood, sprains, falls, bumps, etc. – vomiting and all male-specific “issues” (*shudders* I can’t deal with vomiting).  I deal with asthma, pneumonia, colds and meltdowns.  Paul has always been the one to call 911 and greet the EMTs, I’ve always been the one to pack a bag and ride in the ambulance.  (Thankfully B has not had an ambulance ride in 4 years. I feel like a factory foreman, writing the number of days without an accident on the big wipe-off board for everyone to see.)

 

I’m sure you’ve heard it said that “opposites attract” and also “that which attracts you to a person will eventually become that which annoy the hell out of you and you’re on a mission to change them”.  We’ve had moments like those!  But you can’t change someone else.  Reality really is perception, so we keep the perception of complements.
I was in a bad relationship before I met the hubs – abusive and controlling.  The guy I was seeing told me to go work in a bank, so I did.  After I got out of that relationship, the bank I was working for got bought out, I was laid off and went to work for another financial institution.  On the 1st day of work at this new place, I met the hubs!  After we got engaged, I said to the hubs, “You know, as bad as my last relationship was, without it I’d never have met you.  I would never have gone to work in the finance industry since my background was hospitality.  Everything happens for a reason.”  The hubs replied, “You’re wrong.  No matter who either of us worked for, no matter where we lived or what we did, we would have found each other.  God picked us out for each other a long time ago, Jessie, and He brought us together when we were finally ready for each other.  He knew you were the yin to my yang, plain and simple.”
Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons the Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23

#23: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.  
This ties in with Reason #17, “just because it isn’t done my way doesn’t mean it’s done wrong,”  Even if you don’t think you are criticizing (“I’m just making a comment, a suggestion,” my dad always said), it’s received as a criticism.  Speaking my mind might make me feel better for about 5 seconds but can make the hubs feel worthless or angry the rest of the day.  A perfect example occurred last night.

B started a week of “drop-off” camp this morning and although I signed him up over a month ago and I have been excited for it, last night I started getting anxious.  I expressed my anxiety to the hubs – all the kids are to bring their own snacks, B has a food allergy, I don’t know who the county has hired to run this camp, do they know how to administer an epi-pen, etc.  The hubs’ response was, “Well, why don’t you stay in the parking lot and keep an eye on things?”  I reminded him it is a 3-hour camp and that would be pretty boring and hot to sit in a parking lot that long.

The hubs went upstairs to get ready for bed and lay out his clothes for tomorrow while I worked on yesterday’s blog post.  He came back down and said, “Now I’m concerned about him going to this camp.  I didn’t know it was going to be 3 hours, outside in this heat.  I thought it was only an hour each day.”  I instantly got defensive and wanted to say, “You may not remember it was 3 hours long, but I told you a number of times, plus it’s written on the calendar for you to see.”  But that would accomplish nothing but putting us at odds.  And it would be pretty hypocritical of me because I have a terrible memory and forget important stuff all the time; the hubs should not be expected to remember every time detail of plans I make for B.

So I said nothing.  I turned back around to the computer and finished my post.  Regardless of our differences in reasons, we were both anxious about the well being of our son.  I needed to focus on being united in that and not turn on the hubs by making a snarky and inappropriate comment to divide us.  This morning, we worked together on the phone about stressing the importance of staying hydrated to B (he is not good at doing that on his own) and me asking all the questions I needed to of the camp counselors to ensure my confidence in them.

The hubs just called me to check in, so I read him this post to make sure he’s OK with me putting it up (I’ve done that with all of these “Reason” posts).  After I finished he said, “Thanks, Mama, for not saying anything snarky to me last night.  I love you.”  And there’s the payoff!  :o)

Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31
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