Thigh Gap

I’m not ashamed to say, I don’t have thigh gap.  I don’t think that there is anything wrong with thigh gap and, if you are healthy and you have thigh gap, good on ‘ya!  Don’t know what thigh gap is?  According to Wikipedia, “A thigh gap in women is a space between the inner thighs when standing upright with knees touching.”  It would be nice, though, to have thighs with a lower circumference.  The tops of my inner thighs are never separated and my poor lady business is suffocating from lack of oxygen!  So, a couple of years ago, I decided to let her come up for air whenever I was in the shower.  It’s the least I can do, since she’s provided me with so much over the years.  When I am facing the shower head, I prop my left foot up on the ledge of the tub and when I am facing away from the shower head, I prop up my right.

You remember when we were kids and community pools had a deep end of 10-15 feet, and you’d swim all the way to the bottom to touch the grate?  It was such an accomplishment, worthy of serious bragging rights during the Summer, especially to the kids who couldn’t do it yet.  Swimming back up to the surface after you did it for the first time seemed to last forever and you wondered if you’d make it.  With one last pull down of your arms and big kick of your legs, you broke through the surface.  Your mouth flew open and your aching lungs started panting, desperately dragging in air, sounding like an asthmatic.  Yeah, that’s the sound my lady business made the first time I propped my foot up in the shower.  I felt so bad for her!

My favorite pair of jeans are almost done, thanks to my lack of thigh gap.  The tops of my inner things have just about rubbed through the material.  I’ve thought about patching them, but I don’t think it will work.  If I put the patches on the inside, the outside will still deteriorate into shreds and strings, quite obvious to other people.  It’s totally cool if that happens on the knee of your jeans or you cut them across your quads.  However I fear it would get an “Ew!” from people at the top of my inner things.  If I were to put patches on the outside of my jeans, it would plug the holes and give me a couple of more years of wear out of them!  But, again, the patches would be visible to the public and it would just elicit the same “Ew!” reaction.

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This is a shot of the crotch of my favorite jeans to show you how the material is wearing away at my inner things. (And no, I am not in the jeans.) As I was typing this caption, B came up behind me and asked, “Is that a picture of a horrible rainstorm over a rushing sea?”

Well, at least we’re lucky.  Instead of just a sudden blowout and unexpected loss of my favorite pair of jeans, we have a terminal diagnosis: time to accomplish a bucket list and say everything we need to say to each other before they walk off to that rag pile in the sky.  And by “sky”, I mean the cardboard box in the bottom of my linen closet.

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