Daily Archives: June 18, 2014

I Don’t Get Miserable People

I don’t understand miserable people.  Are they incapable of being happy for others or do they just choose not to be?  I can understand lack of interest or flat out not giving a Fig Newton about somebody else’s life, but it’s the resentment of others’ happiness that I can’t comprehend.  And it’s satisfaction in others’ misfortune.  Why?  It is solely the old adage, “Misery loves company”?  Do they feel so alone in their misery, that they take comfort when others are experiencing pain, too?  Do they compare their misery to others – “Well, at least I’m not as bad as that person.”

I’ve never experienced misery.  I’ve been in some really dark places twice before: the two years after my rape and during an abusive relationship.  I experienced loneliness, helplessness and fear during those times, but never misery.  I do understand one thing about the miserables: being stuck.  I was stuck in my loneliness, helplessness and fear once.  Because as bad as it was, it was familiar.  It was the second time I’d been exposed to the worst behavior in a male and I worried that I might fall into a third such situation if I left that one.  But some wonderful friends showed me the other side was better than being stuck.

I have a miserable person in my life and sometimes, over the years, the misery spilled out and some not-so-nice words come out towards me.  Sometimes I’ve stood up to the person, sometimes I took the high road and remained silent.  Not giving the person any reaction, not allowing them the pleasure of getting a rise out of me is better.  It keeps the focus on their behavior instead of my reaction.  However, recently this person let their misery leak out on my son.  Really?!  An adult knows better than to do that to a child, but this person chose to do it anyway.  I guess sometimes misery can take over a person completely, leaving no room for love anymore.

I don’t get it but I have a hope for all miserable people – you may not be able to change your circumstances nor your past, but you can change, control, your reaction to it.  You can decide to do better, to be better, today.

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