I may not be his favorite parent, but he’s my champion.

B’s favorite parent is the hubs.  I know this, because I ask him.  I know it’s wrong to put B on the spot  and ask such a question, but I have, I do, a couple of times a year, just to see what he would say.  And he tells me the truth, even though he’s worried about how I’ll feel, because we’ve created a safe environment for him to share and be honest with us.  That environment will get more and more vital as he enters the teen years…

I didn’t always ask; he used to switch back and forth, each year.  The 1st year he was out of me, he was all about Mama.  Makes sense when Mama is your main source of food, right?  Year two, he was all about Daddy.  It went back and forth like that every year until B started 3rd grade, our 2nd year of homeschooling.  I guess he’d had plenty of me by then and the hubs has been his favorite ever since.

And that irked me.  I spend more time with B.  I have a much higher tolerance for his quirks than the hubs does.  I think I honor B’s different way of doing things more than the hubs does.  But the hubs is B’s hero, his playmate, his proof that no matter how old you get, potty talk and bodily outputs will always be funny to males.  @@

I finally got up the nerve to voice my juvenile, selfish and jealous feeling to the hubs recently.  I listed all the reasons from the previous paragraph of why I thought B should like me more than the hubs, yet no matter what the hubs does, he’s still B’s favorite!  “But he’s your champion, Jessie,” the hubs replied quietly.  “What are you talking about,” I asked in frustration.

“You ran to the store one evening and I decided to pour myself a glass of wine,” he replied.  “B got all up in my business, wagging his finger at me, and said, ‘That’s the wine Mama uses to make pot roast, Daddy.  I don’t think you should be drinking it!’  And anytime he follows me to the basement while I’m doing laundry, he criticizes the amount of detergent I use.  ‘You only need a half a capful at most, Daddy!  You are wasting detergent and over-soaping your clothes!’  He sticks up for you, Jessie, when you’re not around.  He’s learning the proper way to treat a woman from you, as well as from me.  And not just when a woman is watching, but always.  That’s a champion of women.  Your champion.”

That made me happy, then I felt ashamed for being jealous.  But that little nugget of realization that the hubs provided has been invaluable to me since then.  It’s a reminder that we’re not raising him for us, we’re raising a respectful, empathetic, loving, peaceful, productive member of society.  One who will be an example of love and respect for all and will touch everyone he meets, positively.

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