The Hubs Isn’t Perfect, You Know

I say that, because a lot of women have told me that they think he is the “ideal man”.  He cooks, declutters, cleans, does the laundry, thoroughly enjoy being involved in our son’s life, doesn’t “babysit” his own child, is strong and protective when it’s warranted, is handsome and sexy, makes me laugh everyday and can make my entire body tingle with the slightest touch.

But he definitely isn’t perfect.  Just like any partner does, he knows how to push my buttons and can annoy the hell out of me.  I’m all about disclosure and am honest with y’all about me and my imperfections, so I’ve gotten the hubs’ permission to share some of his.

Here are 5 imperfect things about the hubs I don’t like:

  1. He has these black and white rules of life that make no sense and drive me insane. For example, it’s fine to eat breakfast foods at dinner but me eating dinner foods for breakfast is a crime against nature in his book.  Seriously, there are much more important things in this world to worry about.
  2. For being such a neat freak, cleaner and silent hater of how messy I keep this place, he leaves his dirty socks all over the house.  Sometimes, a sock will be on a different floor than it’s mate because they were removed hours apart!  Once they leave his feet, they are invisible to him.  I’ve even fought the urge to pick them up to see how long he’d go before doing it himself.  Two weeks.  And only then did he pick them up because he was completely out of socks.
  3. Most of the time he won’t turn the TV off.  He will be the only one watching the TV yet when he exits the room for good, he leaves it on.  ERR!  Such a waste of electricity and added noise pollution I don’t need with B reciting lines from songs or movies over and over and over…
  4. He constantly tries to regulate my body temperature for me.  He’s very observant.  He notices when I get up to put on a sweater, socks and/or slippers (because I’m cold) or when I change out of long clothes and put on shorter ones (because I’m hot).  As soon as I make a move like that, he goes to the thermostat and adjusts it.  If I put on more layers, he turns the heat up; if I change into cooler clothes he turns the A/C down.  I know what y’all are thinking – “That’s so considerate!” or “I wish my husband paid attention to me like that.”  No, it’s not!  I have been asking him, telling him, begging him for 65 years (that’s how long he said he’s been married to me today) to stop.  You know why?  Because 10 minutes after I put that sweater on, I’m roasting.  Ten minutes after going upstairs, finding a cooler outfit, changing into it and coming back downstairs, I am freezing.  I am back in the same predicament, uncomfortable temperature-wise, just at the opposite end of the thermostat now.  *sigh*
  5. No matter how many times I ask him to, he does not turn down the volume on the TV or computer before turning them off.  So when he comes downstairs at 5:30am and decides to update his timecard before going to work, I am jerked awake by the loud “BWOOOOONG” the computer makes as it boots up (do they still call turning on a computer “booting up”?  I’m dating myself here…)  On the rare occasion he does turns off the TV, it’s always at night and the volume is left pretty high because he was cooking in the kitchen and wanted to hear the game on the TV in the family room.  If I get up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep or I get up with the hubs and B is still asleep, I’ll turn the TV on to watch the news or a DVR’d show I can’t watch with B around.  I don’t know about y’all’s TVs, but when we turn ours on, the volume and mute buttons are not activated until 11.25 seconds after the TV has been turned on.  Those seconds might as well be minutes and by the time I’ve launched the remote across the room at the power button on the TV, B has been startled awake and is screaming because he thinks were under attack.
So there you go; the hubs is human, after all.  And please know, these five are not the only things that bother me about him, but these are the major offensives in my book.

 

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