Before I get to my topic, I want to say that I just discovered the Search function on my blog is not working!  Although it has inconvenienced me with looking for specific posts and topics on my blog, I’m more upset that y’all are unable to search for things.  What if you need to know how I make my butternut squash and chicken lasagnahow the hubs and I have stayed together for 17+ years or you want to reread about the morning I was awoken by my 5 year old with the words, “Mama, my balls are gone.”?!  I want you all to know that I am aware of the situation and will do my best to rectify it!  Now, onto tonight’s topic…

Kegels.  I don’t do them.  Do you?  The reason I don’t do them is because they make me feel ookie, plain and simple.  I don’t like the ookie feeling, that’s why I go to another floor when one of my cats is coughing up a hairball, I can’t look at pictures/videos of snakes and I don’t do kegels.  A friend of mine who is very fit and exercises regularly says, “It’s just an exercise like any other exercise.” But it’s not.  No other exercise involves me willfully, voluntarily contracting my vajayjay.  There is absolutely nothing ookie to me about my vajayjay contracting of its own accord due to certain…ah…outside stimuli, but the kegel is ookie.

A friend of mine and I took our children to a jumping place last week and we were discussing the fact that we would not fare as well as the children because neither one of us do our required kegels.  She suggested that we should do them with some regularity, like pick a time each day or do them during an everyday occurrence.  I suggested each time we were at a red light, we should kegel.  We laughed and I promptly forgot all about kegels.

This evening, while the hubs was putting B down, I was folding laundry and, for some reason, kegels popped into my head.  OK, I thought, you really need to start doing these things and now’s as good a time as any.  But you know what?  I could not kegel!  My brain was sending the message down there but down there was all, “Huh?  What? I have no idea what that even is, but it sounds ookie!”  WTH?!  Just 2 years ago, I was desperately kegelling my little heart out during jumping jacks in kickboxing class!  I had to sit down and not on the bed, on a more firm surface.  I went downstairs, sat in the desk chair and tried again.  Phew!  I. CAN. KEGEL!  Then the relief turned to anger.  Why can’t I do them standing up?  I think my body was just being stubborn and decided to teach me a lesson, send me a wakeup call.  You know how some people go the hospital, believing they are having a heart attack and making all kinds of deals with their god that if they just survive this they will start eating healthy and exercising, for real, and then they find out it was just heartburn or gas?  I think that is what my pelvic wall did to me tonight.  “Muscles, babe.  Use them or lose them.  You’ve been warned,” my pelvic wall said to me while shaking its finger.

Message received.  I think I’ve done at least a week’s worth of kegels while typing this up!  So the next time you see me at a red light, don’t be insulted if I don’t wave back.  I’m just concentrating on my workout.

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