SERIES: 31 Reasons the Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23

#23: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.  
This ties in with Reason #17, “just because it isn’t done my way doesn’t mean it’s done wrong,”  Even if you don’t think you are criticizing (“I’m just making a comment, a suggestion,” my dad always said), it’s received as a criticism.  Speaking my mind might make me feel better for about 5 seconds but can make the hubs feel worthless or angry the rest of the day.  A perfect example occurred last night.

B started a week of “drop-off” camp this morning and although I signed him up over a month ago and I have been excited for it, last night I started getting anxious.  I expressed my anxiety to the hubs – all the kids are to bring their own snacks, B has a food allergy, I don’t know who the county has hired to run this camp, do they know how to administer an epi-pen, etc.  The hubs’ response was, “Well, why don’t you stay in the parking lot and keep an eye on things?”  I reminded him it is a 3-hour camp and that would be pretty boring and hot to sit in a parking lot that long.

The hubs went upstairs to get ready for bed and lay out his clothes for tomorrow while I worked on yesterday’s blog post.  He came back down and said, “Now I’m concerned about him going to this camp.  I didn’t know it was going to be 3 hours, outside in this heat.  I thought it was only an hour each day.”  I instantly got defensive and wanted to say, “You may not remember it was 3 hours long, but I told you a number of times, plus it’s written on the calendar for you to see.”  But that would accomplish nothing but putting us at odds.  And it would be pretty hypocritical of me because I have a terrible memory and forget important stuff all the time; the hubs should not be expected to remember every time detail of plans I make for B.

So I said nothing.  I turned back around to the computer and finished my post.  Regardless of our differences in reasons, we were both anxious about the well being of our son.  I needed to focus on being united in that and not turn on the hubs by making a snarky and inappropriate comment to divide us.  This morning, we worked together on the phone about stressing the importance of staying hydrated to B (he is not good at doing that on his own) and me asking all the questions I needed to of the camp counselors to ensure my confidence in them.

The hubs just called me to check in, so I read him this post to make sure he’s OK with me putting it up (I’ve done that with all of these “Reason” posts).  After I finished he said, “Thanks, Mama, for not saying anything snarky to me last night.  I love you.”  And there’s the payoff!  :o)

Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

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