Daily Archives: July 7, 2012

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #7

#7: The hubs, B and I are “our family”, our #1 priority.
Our parents became secondary the moment we were married.  They had us for all the Mother’s Days, Father’s Days, Christmases, Thanksgivings, birthdays, etc. before we got married, but those celebrations are ours now.  Sometimes we choose to spend them with our parents and siblings, but most of the time we do not.  And not all of our parents/siblings have been OK with that.
Our loyalties lie with the three of us over our parents.  This is tough for all of us.  It’s hard to switch gears away from your parents and towards your spouse, especially if you are close with your parents and they are now your friends.  As for the friends part, you have to draw lines with your parents; you cannot tell your parents everything.  For example, you and your husband have a fight and you vent to your mom about it.  Later, you and your husband resolve the issue and make up, but your mom may still hold onto it.  Your version or side of the story, whether it was perception or reality, is all she heard and how many times have you gone back to your mom after you make up to clarify/correct your version?  Hm?  Little to none, I bet.  And now your mom thinks less of your husband because of it.

 

It’s even worse if the husband goes to his mom and vents.  Most mothers of boys are that in-law.  No woman will ever be good enough for her son (just like no man will ever be good enough for daddy’s little girl).  Whether you realize it or not, she has a list of your shortcomings in her head and that list gets either confirmed or added to when your husband vents to her about you.  I get it; when you have been venting to a parent about your life for the last 20 – 30 years, it’s hard to stop.  But stop it must.
 
It’s very important to keep Reason #7 in place once you have kids!  Have you ever felt like this?  I don’t think it’s fair for just the word “he” to be in this meme.  He and she mos def apply in our house because both the hubs and I were completefreaks to the other when we got married since our upbringings were so different.
Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31
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