Monthly Archives: July 2012

SERIES: 31 Reasons the Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

#31: God
 
I’ve saved the most important reason for last.  As the hubs said in Reason #24, God brought us together but He also saved our family.  In 2008, we were unhappy individuals which made for an unhappy couple.  Although we were Christians, neither of us had been active in a Church since B was baptized. The hubs and I each had our own reasons for being miserable with ourselves and that affected the whole household.  I went to the hubs one day in September and told him I’d like us to find a church home.  I felt that if we let God into our home and learned how to have a relationship with Him, that we could be happy and peaceful.  To my surprise, the hubs said he had been thinking the same thing!  God was already working inside of us.
We decided that every Sunday, we would go to a different church in our town and then decide which one we liked the best.  We never made it past the first church.  We felt so welcomed from the moment we walked through the doors.  Someone kindly directed us to the proper Sunday school classroom for B and assisted us with signing him in.  Everyone was so friendly and accepting!  The pastor’s sermon spoke exactly to where the hubs and I were at that moment in our lives and gave us tools to help us get out.  We walked out of there with a very happy boy who could not stop talking bout everything he’d learned in Sunday school and feeling like a weight had been lifted off our shoulders.  That week was the best week in our house in a long time.  I’d never had a service experience affect my whole week before!

 

So we kept going back.  I joined a women’s Bible study class and we all relearned about God, things we’d never heard from the churches we’d grown up in.  Our church is Bible-based and has taught us how to get to know God and have a relationship with Him.  They haven’t given us a long list of rules and prayers, told us were not worthy to go to God, told us we have to go through others who are more worthy to intercede with God on our behalf.  They’ve showed us that we are children of God and He wants to be with us and wants us to let Him love us.  
Our whole lives, relationships and family have turned completely around since God has been in our hearts and our home.  Our perspectives, our reactions to challenges that arise, our view on wants vs. needs, what is important in this world and what is not, have all changed.  We were always a good match for each other and had proved over the years we would stand the test of time.  But now we are happier, at peace inside, and no longer worry about those damn Joneses.  ;o)  
 
I can do all things, through Christ, who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13
 
The hubs and I have really enjoyed sharing these reasons with you and walking down memory lane this month.  We hope you have, too!
Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30

#30: Only one of us is allowed to go “up our tree” at a time.
If you have never read the book Couplehood by Paul Reiser the hubs and I highly recommend it.  It is hilarious and very true.  Before we had B, the hubs and I liked to go on long drives in our spare time and at times we’ve lived in different states as our parents.  So during these car rides, either for pleasure or to visit family, I would read out loud to the hubs.  I am a good out-loud reader.  I can do all kinds of voices and when I know what the author sounds like, I can put their inflection and tone in my reading.  B and the hubs both enjoy it when I read out loud.  Anywho, we had many a good laugh over Couplehood, especially when Mr. Reiser described couples going “up their trees”.
“Going up your tree” basically means when you lose it, you freak out.  I’m sure you’ve all seen (or been) that person who cannot handle a crisis and simply goes up their tree.  This is the character who’s usually running around and yelling and then gets slapped by someone in a movie or TV show.  Well, when you’re a couple, you both simply cannot freak out at the same time.  One of you has to act as the sane, calm one.  Why?  Because someone has to talk the other out of their tree!  This is a sign of a strong couple, according to Mr. Reiser, and one of the reasons he and his wife, Paula, are good together: only one person goes up there tree at a time.  The other person must talk the tree climber down so then he or she can go up their tree.
The hubs and I are the same way.  There are some specific situations in which the same person goes up their tree.  Other times, it’s just whoever gets to their tree first and the other person has to be the calm one, by default.  
Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29

#29: We have been willing to change for each other.
 
We took and continue to take our vows seriously:
  • To Love
  • Honor
  • Obey
  • ‘Till Death Do Us Part
That last one does not seem to be valued much in our current disposable culture.  Till death.  Not till I get bored, not till I find someone better, not till it gets hard, not till we hit a “slump” in the bedroom, not till you intentionally or unintentionally hurt me, and not till my friends or family no longer like you.
We were both in our 20s when we got married.  The people we were then were not the people we became in our 30s nor the people we are now in our 40s.  As individuals, it’s normal to grow, mature, make mistakes and learn lessons from them as we get older.  But we both had certain preconceived notions, habits, character traits that were toxic to our relationship.  We’ve been willing to change them to make the other happy, provide the other with peace of mind, have a healthier relationship and love, honor and obey till death do us part.

 

As you know from reading earlier reasons, I’ve had to stop fighting dirty, let go of the need to always be right and keep my mouth shut when the urge to criticize arises.  I’ve also had to back off and give the hubs his personal physical and mental space when needed and realize that no matter of nagging, begging, yelling nor threatening could make someone quit smoking.
The hubs had to open up and start communicating, tell me what he was thinking and feeling, ask me what I really meant or thought instead of making assumptions, quit smoking, include me in certain decisions and accept that things would not make him happy long-term.
I think one of the biggest changes you can make to ensure the survival and success of your marriage is to give up the list of “deal breakers”.  That  list of situations you believe would cause you to leave.  “If he cheated on me, it’d be over!”  You can’t make sweeping statements like that.  You really have no idea how you would react, outside of the pain and anger everyone would feel, until you find yourself in that situation.  So throw out the list of situations and it’s automatic reactions or punishments.  Meet each situation, challenge, disappointment, betrayal head-on, together, with an open, albeit broken, heart and mind.
Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28

#28: Honesty is not always the best policy. Some things are better kept to yourself.

When we started dating, we didn’t do that thing where you ask each other all about past relationships.  I tried, but the hubs told me, “We’re not going to do this.  You don’t want to know; I don’t want to know.”  I didn’t believe him and begged him to answer a question for me.  He said, “Don’t ask the question if you don’t want to hear the answer because I am going to tell you the truth.”  I asked anyway, he told the truth and he was right – I didn’t want to know!  From then on, as long as neither one of had conceived a child or contracted an STD before meeting each other, our pasts were our own to keep.
This also goes for infidelity.  If one of us were to cheat, just once, realized it was a huge mistake and would never do it again, keep it to yourself unless it resulted in the conception of a child or an STD.  The only reason to confess to your spouse is because you feel guilty.  Confessing the truth to your spouse will make you feel better for about 5 seconds and then make your spouse feel awful for a long time.  The trust would be broken and might not be repaired.  Keep it to yourself; the guilt you feel is your punishment, your penance.

 

OK, that last example just might have blown your mind and/or you may completely disagree with me.  He’s an easier one to swallow and you just may be able to relate to it.  If your spouse worked hard to make you and your family a meal and you don’t particularly care for it, keep it to yourself.  When you sit down at the table and don’t like the look of what’s on your plate, don’t make any comment.  Try it first and you may be surprised.
 
Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27

#27: We don’t expect each other to be mind readers.  
You want or need something?  Speak up!  Tell your partner!  If you don’t, you have no right to brood or resent them.  You only have yourself to blame.  Women are famous for this!  Men don’t get us, don’t, no can’t, comprehend how women’s minds work.  Our thought processes would exhaust them!  The only thing most men stew over are images or a professional sports coach’s play decisions.  ;o)  Some women believe that, “…if he really knew me….if he really loved me…he would know what I’m thinking/feeling/wanting/needing.”  Men would love to give you exactly what you want or need if you would just tell them.  It’s that simple.  We women are always badgering men to communicate, to talk to us about their feelings and what they’re thinking, so why shouldn’t we reciprocate?

 

Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26

#26: You have to teach your kids to respect your spouse by respecting her/him yourself.  
This can be a hard one, especially if you’re like us.  Each of our parenting styles is different.  What is not a big deal to me is to the hubs and vice versa.  Each of us do fine when alone with B but when we get together and one makes a decision or picks a battle that the other one would not, it’s so hard not to step in and override the other.  But you have to try.  We are a work in progress…

 

Don’t miss any posts in this series:
 
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

Leftover Wednesday: Dinner Leftovers…for BREAKFAST?!

Yes, peeps, that’s how I roll.  Most “breakfast” foods are starches and they don’t stick with me but an hour or two, even the ones full of fiber that Weight Watchers swears fills you up for a long time.  My tummy’s not built that way, evidently.  When I eat dinner leftovers for breakfast at 8am, I can go until 2pm before I get hungry again and I have plenty of energy.  And I’ll eat all leftovers for breakfast – casseroles, pizza, grilled meats, whatever is in the fridge.  So let me tell you about my favorite leftover, Breakfast Hash!

Paula Deen and I have so much in common and one is that we both keep cooked potatoes around as a staple.  We happened to have steak and baked potatoes the night before, so I made sure I cooked extra potatoes.  Dice a baked potato, add to a hot pan with your favorite oil and cook until crispy on all sides.  I used to use butter in my hash but learned from my Uncle Lanny that butter was the reason they didn’t crisp up.  You need oil for that!  I also salt, pepper and paprika the potatoes at this time (the paprika was another secret I got from Uncle Lanny).

After the potatoes are crispy all around, or just crispy on one side if you want some softness to your potatoes, add in some diced onion and cook until the onion is as done as you like it.

Next, if I have other leftover veggies I want in my hash, I’ll toss them in after the onions have cooked and before the meat.  They just need a minute or two to warm up; you don’t want them overcooked.  Then you throw in whatever leftover meat you had for dinner the night before, diced up.  The smaller you cut it, the quicker it will heat up.  The longer you cook it, the tougher the meat will get, so just a minute or two will heat up diced meat.  Don’t be hatin’ on the temperature I eat my red meat, y’all!  ;o)

 Ta-da!  Yet another appetizing meal ruined with a crappy picture of the finished product.  LOL  But I eat with my taste buds not my eyes because I have learned from experience that you can’t judge a book by it’s cover!  This lovely hash was served with a zigzag of ketchup on top and set the tone for a productive and energized day!

I hope you give breakfast hash a try.  It’s a great way to serve breakfast for guests, especially at holiday time.  You always have leftover ham, potatoes and green beans after Easter.  Make a big, one-pot breakfast hash for everyone to eat!  You only have to cook once.  As people awake and stumble into the kitchen at different times, they can scoop themselves out some hash and pop in the microwave to heat up if need be.
1 2 6
%d bloggers like this: